This Ayahuasca Experience Might Make You Cry | Dimitar Ivanov on 0.1%

Simeon Ivanov:  Do you wanna share what was the key lesson that you got from the experience and how it was presented to you?

Dimitar Ivanov: It was so much man, it was so much. It was four ceremonies that we did and you know that each ceremony obviously is different for every person, and for every person it's different every time, but usually feels like years. I would be just laying there on my mattress and every now and then I would resurface into consciousness, you see that it's been only like a minute had passed, but it felt like I was there for years. So you can get so many different lessons and just so many things happening, like conversations and visuals and everything. It's like living a few lifetimes and just compacting all the lessons from them in one night. That's why they say it's like 10 years of psychotherapy in one night, and I really feel that it is.

For me I think the most intense thing that I got out of the hundreds of different things, was on the third ceremony, the third night. It started off as a really painful one. I was lost in different labyrinths, I was trying to find the way out. I was lost at sea: I was on a shitty raft and it was just like ... just sitting there in the middle of the ocean for what felt like years. I didn't know why I was there, how I could get out. And just going through some different puzzles that was like really driving me crazy. It was really painful. I couldn't make any sense out of it. Then all of a sudden I feel it gets really cold, I mean I feel it in my body, and now I start shivering, shaking. I brought a hoodie with me, I try to put it on but I can't even find my sleeves or anything, so I decided not to even worry about it. But then I feel that it's winter, it's really fucking cold. It started snowing …

Simeon Ivanov:  And it’s actually 30 degree Celsius actually …

Dimitar Ivanov: It's 30 degrees Celsius actually yeah. But then it starts snowing and then I see this big chunk of wood, and just snow falling over it, and I realize that's me, and that I'm dead and this piece of wood, this big ... whatever, thing, is just something that just the whole world forgot and life kept on going, and the world kept on going, and I was just forgotten there just to rot and to sit in the falling snow. That was kinda shitty to take in for a while, and then I get taken to a place above, which is like this glass studio what looks like ... it’s the place where all the gods live. So I'm there, I meet with my spirit or my higher self, or whatever, but I feel like this is like the spirit or the energy that ... it is me but it is there living with the gods. He shows me around, introduces me to everyone. He's really smart, knows everybody there, and there’s this extremely wise energy that I feel from him.

This place is just so balanced and so clean, and is just pristine, it's perfect. It's also really fucking boring because nothing happens there, but I sit with him and he takes me to the studio where there's like millions of movies being played, and we sit in front of a screen where they're playing the movie of my life. I sit with him, with me I guess, in this other dimension or with me my spirit or my higher self, and we start watching this movie. He plays it and he pauses at different places. He zooms in, zooms out, spins, zooms from different angles, and I get to see myself in lots of different situations and how I react, how I behave toward people that I love and that I care for, how I behave toward myself a lot of the times. He's just giving me different lessons for me to bring home.

And he’s like “thank you so much for coming here, it's a good thing you came because see we have this problem. You see this guy back there?” At that point I see my body just laying there on the mattress, and it's like ... I'm connected to this thing that brings me to another dimension. Like “see this guy that's laying there on the mattress? This guy tries so hard, he really pushes himself so much. He really wants to do so much and he gives so much for himself, and you're so harsh with this guy, you're always expecting more, never let him be happy. You always want him to want more and blah blah blah, and he just keeps going and going and going.” And I just feel this really self love. I'm like, damn, I am really this guy. I mean I give everything I have. I got nothing more to give. I'm doing the best that I can for everything, for my family, for my work, for my body. This is all I've got.

And then still I very rarely feel this sense of like, damn, I'm so cool, I really love myself, damn, great man. What you're doing is great. I mean you wake up ... tomorrow I'll be waking up at five o'clock. You're really killing it man, I mean that's the way. At a boy, way to go. So I'm sitting with him and he's like giving me all these lessons, showing me situations where I was too critical of myself, showing me situations where I was too critical of people around me, where my kids were coming to me and I was too busy working on sending this email to somebody, I didn't pay attention to them, you know, these different things. But you're watching the movie and you're experiencing those situations in the same time, and it really drives in the lesson.

And then when I wanted to see my kids I was like, where are my kids, where are my kids? Where are they? Where's my wife? I need to see them. He's like, yeah, they're not here man, they're not here. Then I start crying like a baby, I've never cried so much my whole life, that I can't see my ... I'm crying in there and I'm crying like in my body. Then I ... just this realization that I will not be with them forever, that they're not there with me and one day when I die they will not be there. All I have with them is just this movie that will be played one day, and what will be played depends on me and what I do right now, in this life. So then I got connected to their spirits. I saw them there. I was hugging them and crying and just explaining how much more I'll be giving to them, and how much more I will just appreciate and value this time that we have together in this world. 'Cause I realized that ... what are the chances of you being born at all. First of the world being the way it is, the world supporting life to exist on it, I mean that's a very slim chance, but then for you to be born it's ... I mean you got really fucking lucky man.

All your ancestors didn't get eaten by a lion. All of them didn't die as kids. I mean like all of them, that's like thousands and thousands and thousands of generations. None of them died as a kid. None of them got eaten by a lion. None of them starved to death. None of them drown. None of them froze to death. I mean all of them survived. All of them managed to find a mate so that they can have offspring, all of them. And then this ... I mean these are very, very slim chances, and then you're born, and you're born and you're here for like ... 60, 70, 80, 100 years if you get lucky. And this is time that you should really value and time that you should really cherish. And then add to this the chances that your kids will be born at all, that they will be born as your kids, and you will have the chance to be their father and to teach them everything that they know, this is huge.

When all this happened I just had this ... not that I didn't know it before that, but then I just felt it so much that now, even when I came back, I would look at my kids and I would just see them as I've never seen them before, because I know now I have this chance which is like one in a ... not a billion billion billion chance for them to be my kids, and for me to have this privilege of being their father in this dimension in this world that we are right now, and I'm going to make the most of it. And not just with me with the kids, but also just with everything that I'm given, with everything that I have, because I know that one day I will be watching this movie and I better make it a good one.

And even if it is not true, even if it is all bullshit and it's my subconscious mind playing some games, it still works for me, and I know it is still a movie and it's up to me how this movie will be played out. All the lessons are still just equally powerful for me and I know that there is more to life ... I mean there's more to me than this body that I'm in right now, and I don't feel that when I die it's the end of everything. So I feel that this energy or this spirit, whatever it is, I feel that there is something similar to this that just charges you with energy the moment you are born. So just like ... the energy that comes in, and you open your eyes and you're born. This energy or for this spirit, the only way to experience anything is through what you do.

Every now and then when I go through my day I would still see this guy, myself, sitting there in this ... whatever, in this studio place, above. He's like watching me and watching what I do. He's like, “come on man, not again,” because he has no other movie to watch. I mean the only movie he can watch is my own, and this place is so fucking boring that the only way he can experience anything is through me. So in a way it's ... I don't know if it's energy. I don't know if it's my spirit or anything, but even if you don't believe in things like this, if you see that's your potential, that's your best self, or that's the best that you can become if you make all the right decisions and you live your life in the best possible way, that's it, and it's looking back on you and what you do right now, what you do tomorrow morning, and the way you ... When your kid comes to you, whether you say, oh come here, or whether you say, no no, go away, I need to write this email, and even if that's your potential or whatever that is, trust me, it feels like shit. You feel like shit when you realize because you know you're not living up to your potential. You've got more to give.

It think that's ... overall that's like the most important theme from my ceremonies, is that I have more to give. I'm here for a limited time and it's up to me to do it and just to make a quality of impact.

I feel I have more to give because for a lot of people life and success is what you get, and for me of course you need to get in order to be able to give, and you also need money in order to have an impact, in order for your business to survive and stuff like this, but in the end it is about the impact that you have, for your family, your close ones, your employees. So that's the biggest lesson that I got for myself.

Simeon Ivanov:  That's an amazing story man.

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